Karma & Gremlins

kar·ma [kahr-muh]:

Action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation. A muthafukka.

On my way from the metro today, I have my eyes wide open, grill guarded, and I'm knuckled up ready for any further mischief them little muthafukkas have in store for me... What little muthafukkas u ask... them damn GREMLINS that have been fuckin with me all morning.....
Started when I was awaken by my alarm at 7am. One of them mfs must've fukked with the snooze... cuz I pushed it once, and I ended up waking myself up at 9:15... mind u, I'm supposed to be at work at 9. So out of my bed I jump... run to the bathroom, turn on the hot water so it can warm up... grab my jug of water to soothe my crackin throat... Bitches!! they done drank all my water... And I'll be damned if I drink out the tap, ohhhhhhhh... I know... I had a big cup of lemonade on the table.. I'll drink that. Mfs done knocked that shit on floor... now my whole living room floor sticky.
Fuk it i'm too late for this... Make sure Bananas has his food and water... find something to wear, and go and hop in the shower... guess what... now they done messed up the hot water heater ... cuz the shit ain't even luke warm. Too late, gotta endure the freezing shower... felt like I was about to go swimming at the neighborhood pool!!
So I get to the bus stop... bus usually takes 3-5 minutes to arrive... today... 35 minutes... so its after 10 already. Bus packed as hell... I'm standing with some burly dude's armpit on my neck .. saying to myself over and over again... time to get a car.
Its not rush hour anymore so I know im in for a long ass wait at the metro... I get there and while I'm walking to the escalator, two old fat white men form a wall that I can't get around and they just strolling... finally I slide past brushing one of them on purpose and saying under my breathe... 'fuk out da way'. Get to the escalator... mf standing on the LEFT side... bastid!!... "scuse me man!" ... This nigga look like he got an attitude... bitch learn some metro-quette. Thats when I hear "bing bing doors opening" ... Shit!! its already here... so I start running and skipping steps... and just when I had forgotten about them... there they go again. Mid jump... one of them little muthafukkas grabs my foot. "Noooooooooooooooooo...." I fall in slow motion... bust my ass right at the top of the escalator so not only the people behind me and the people coming down ... but the people already at the top and even some on the train, thats now pulling away slowly, saw me fall. ... next train 15 minutes.
Which brings us to where we started... I'll be damn if I let my guard down again. Performing today at the top of the stairs... nobody... must've missed them.
OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT!! The picket line is gone!! Well merry fukin Christmas... Guess good karma finally found its way to them... or perhaps them mfs were too lazy to keep it up any longer.... Me... my karma's not so good today.... but hey... I can persevere. Little fukin gremlins... Fucked up my floor... made me bust my ass in front of everybody... made me late for work... fucked up my hot water ... just fukin up shit left and right.....
then SHE walks by, and even them little mf gremlins calm their asses down and just gaaaaaaaaaaaaze... mouths wide open..... damn... what a beautiful morning. :D

... uneventful

I stand there waiting patiently for the doors to slide open... an anxious mob behind me... a larger crowd facing through the fingerprint laden windows, plottin and scheming how to get a seat... *ding* ... First off the blocks as usual... I dart for the escalators.. shifting and dodging... following blocks and leaping those overwhelmed by the relentlessness of the morning crowd. Double time up the escalators... KEEP IT MOVIN ON THE LEFT!! It irks me so when people stand on the left side of the escalators... If you are going to take the Metro please learn the metro-quette ... Performing at the top of the escalators today... the saxaphone dude with the locs... he's good, but he doesn't get the day started like the asian monks on their funky mini harpiscord thing-a-majigs....

I step out onto K st and quickly assess the situation. I decide route '2-c' will be most efficient... making great time today... Should get in to the office quite early for once...  I pass by the picket line... almost all of them mfs are sittin down shooting the breeze and what not...  smh... and they got the nerve to be striking... I wouldn't give their asses a raise either!!.... It's only like 4 of them actually  in the line the rest are sitting around relaxing.. and the ones in the line are all spread out and shit trying to make it look like its alot of them marching around in a circle... Seems its become a hang out spot and what not!

I realize that I should switch to route '2-a' since they are crowding the sidewalk... but shiiiiiiiiit, SHE's going that way... Hell I'm already late :-\ ....  let me enjoy my stroll... Even the picket line pauses as she walks by... picket signs and jaws hittin the ground.... Ass so phat that you can see it from the front!! but I make sure to ease my pace to keep my view from the back. A hint of flesh showing on the small of her back... revealing a seductive tattoo... like a niggrem needs any more persuasion... I wonder if shes going to camelot? get that money girl... Vive La Strippers....


Before long I notice that subconciously, my head has started swayin back and forth in unsion with the switch of her hips... hypnotizin... I'm all the way down on 24th st before I snap out of it... what is it about asses that make men act the way we do?? These "top of the legs" ... these "shit boxes" ... these "trunks full of junk"?  ..... My man Troy (who definitely warrants his own blog entry) doesn't care about anything else... She could be 325, pale, corny, with 3 teeth... but if she has a fat ass, he's gonna holla at her. I need to hang out with him more often .

I stop and watch as she fades off into the crowd... Hate to see you go... but love to watch u leave! She's 3 blocks away now and her ass still looks good...

I start my stroll back up to 19th street, feeling at peace.. so I look up to God, and thank him for the eye candy he blessed me with on this uneventful trip from the metro.

the picket line

So for the last month or so on the corner of k and 17th, there's been a picket line steadily growing... Im not sure what they are picking... or striking against... I know they want higher wages... but I forget the company.

Anyway... each morning when I walk by... well first of all they rude cuz like I said it keeps growing and mfs gotta get past them to get to work... And if ur from DC you know how packed and crowded downtown is weekday mornings. But besides that... everyday I walk by, it seems like each and everyone stares at me as if to say "come join us", or looking at me like I'm selling out... and it ain't even my company.

Now I know there is definitely strength in numbers... but in the immortal words of Flavor Flav... I can't do nothin for ya man... (yeah Bzr.. guess it is an underlying theme).

So each day I always come up with what I "would" say if any of them approached me... here are some of my favorites...

1. I would man... but I gotta get to work.

2. How much do I get paid for walkin in this line holding this sign?

3. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa... .............. oh u were serious??

4. Yall betta stop playin before them mexicans come steal all yall jobs

I hope it all works out well for them.

On my way from the Metro...a new series

A lot of mornings when I get off the train and I'm walking to my office, so much craziness is going on in downtown DC that I have to just stop look and laugh.... And though alot of it may not be as crazy as it seems to me, my mind has a way of running with scenarios. Anyway, I've decided to start a new series sharing these experiences.

So, I was on the corner of K and 18th waiting for the light to change... tricky light here... confusing for those who aren't used to it. Anyway, I'm waiting at the light when I see an old lady with legs so frail they look as though they are about to break with each step. For some reason she decides that shes tired of waiting for the light and starts across the street...??? I guess she figures she walks so slow that she needs to get a head start before the light changes... Thing is, there is a car coming.... fast... trying to beat the light ... headed directly for her.

We've all seen the movies and news reports of the heroes diving and tackling people saving them from harm, sacrificing their own safety for the well being of their bretheren and sistren. They always say things like they didn't think, they just reacted... "What else could I've done" they proclaim.

So there I was... thrust into that exact situation... And sure enough... no time to think... as I began to react... .................

"YOOOOOOO!!!!" "LADY! LOOK OUT" I yelled from the curb... :-

Sorry... thats all I got... guess I ain't no hero. Hell she was old anyway she done lived her life, I gotta live mine.

Luckily the car was able to swerve out the way... barely missing her, as everyone stood stunned by what almost occured... everyone that is, except for the old lady who seemed oblivious to the whole thing, steadily inching across the street. ... maaaaaaan... crazy ass DC.